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Let us now tackle the important question of polygamy. Polygamy is a
very ancient practice found in many human societies. The Bible did not
condemn polygamy. To the contrary, the Old Testament and Rabbinic writings
frequently attest to the legality of polygamy. King Solomon is said to
have had 700 wives and 300 concubines (1 Kings 11:3) Also, king David is
said to have had many wives and concubines (2 Samuel 5:13). The Old
Testament does have some injunctions on how to distribute the property
of a man among his sons from different wives (Deut. 22:7). The only
restriction on polygamy is a ban on taking a wife's sister as a rival wife
(Lev. 18:18). The Talmud advises a maximum of four wives [51]. European
Jews continued to practise polygamy until the sixteenth century. Oriental
Jews regularly practised polygamy until they arrived in Israel where it
is forbidden under civil law. However, under religious law which overrides
civil law in such cases, it is permissible [52].
What about the New Testament? According to Father Eugene Hillman
in his insightful book, Polygamy reconsidered, "Nowhere in the New Testament
is there any explicit commandment that marriage should be monogamous or
any explicit commandment forbidding polygamy." [53] Moreover, Jesus has
not spoken against polygamy though it was practised by the Jews of his
society. Father Hillman stresses the fact that the Church in Rome banned
polygamy in order to conform to the Greco-Roman culture (which prescribed
only one legal wife while tolerating concubinage and prostitution). He
cited St. Augustine, "Now indeed in our time, and in keeping with Roman
custom, it is no longer allowed to take another wife." [54] African churches
and African Christians often remind their European brothers that the Church's
ban on polygamy is a cultural tradition and not an authentic Christian
injunction.
The Qur'an, too, allowed polygamy, but not without restrictions:
"If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the
orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear
that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one" (Qur'an
4:3).
The Qur'an, contrary to the Bible, limited the maximum number of wives
to four under the strict condition of treating the wives equally and justly.
It should not be understood that the Qur'an is exhorting the believers
to practise polygamy, or that polygamy is considered as an ideal. In other
words, the Qur'an has "tolerated" or "allowed" polygamy, and no more,
but why? Why is polygamy permissible ? The answer is simple: there are
places and times in which there are compelling social and moral reasons
for polygamy. As the above Qur'anic verse indicates, the issue of polygamy
in Islam cannot be understood apart from community obligations towards
orphans and widows. Islam as a universal religion suitable for all places
and all times could not ignore these compelling obligations.
In most human societies, females outnumber males. In the U.S. there
are, at least, eight million more women than men. In a country like
Guinea there are 122 females for every 100 males. In Tanzania, there are
95.1 males per 100 females [55]. What should a society do towards such
unbalanced sex ratios? There are various solutions, some might suggest
celibacy, others would prefer female infanticide (which does happen in
some societies in the world today !). Others may think the only outlet
is that the society should tolerate all manners of sexual permissiveness:
prostitution, sex out of wedlock, homosexuality, etc.
For other societies , like most African societies today, the most honourable
outlet is to allow polygamous marriage as a culturally accepted and socially
respected institution. The point that is often misunderstood in the West
is that women in other cultures do not necessarily look at polygamy as
a sign of women's degradation. For example, many young African brides ,
whether Christians or Muslims or otherwise, would prefer to marry a married
man who has already proved himself to be a responsible husband. Many African
wives urge their husbands to get a second wife so that they do not feel
lonely [56]. A survey of over six thousand women, ranging in age from 15
to 59, conducted in the second largest city in Nigeria showed that 60 percent
of these women would be pleased if their husbands took another wife. Only
23 percent expressed anger at the idea of sharing with another wife. Seventy-six
percent of the women in a survey conducted in Kenya viewed polygamy positively.
In a survey undertaken in rural Kenya, 25 out of 27 women considered polygamy
to be better than monogamy. These women felt polygamy can be a happy and
beneficial experience if the co-wives co-operate with each other [57].
Polygamy in most African societies is such a respectable institution
that some Protestant churches are becoming more tolerant of it. A bishop
of the Anglican Church in Kenya declared that, "Although monogamy may be
ideal for the expression of love between husband and wife, the church should
consider that in certain cultures polygyny is socially acceptable and that
the belief that polygyny is contrary to Christianity is no longer tenable."
[58] After a careful study of African polygamy, Reverend David Gitari of
the Anglican Church has concluded that polygamy, as ideally practised,
is more Christian than divorce and remarriage as far as the abandoned wives
and children are concerned [59]. I personally know of some highly educated
African wives who, despite having lived in the West for many years, do
not have any objections against polygamy. One of them, who lives in the
U.S., solemnly exhorts her husband to get a second wife to help her in
raising the kids.
The problem of the unbalanced sex ratios becomes truly problematic at
times of war. Native American Indian tribes used to suffer highly unbalanced
sex ratios after wartime losses. Women in these tribes, who in fact enjoyed
a fairly high status, accepted polygamy as the best protection against
indulgence in indecent activities. European settlers, without offering
any other alternative, condemned this Indian polygamy as 'uncivilized'
[60]. After the second world war, there were 7,300,000 more women than
men in Germany (3.3 million of them were widows). There were 100 men aged
20 to 30 for every 167 women in that age group [61]. Many of these women
needed a man not only as a companion but also as a provider for the household
in a time of unprecedented misery and hardship. The soldiers of the victorious
Allied Armies exploited these women's vulnerability. Many young girls and
widows had liaisons with members of the occupying forces. Many American
and British soldiers paid for their pleasures in cigarettes, chocolate,
and bread. Children were overjoyed at the gifts these strangers brought.
A 10 year old boy on hearing of such gifts from other children wished from
all his heart for an 'Englishman' for his mother so that she need not go
hungry any longer [62]. We have to ask our own conscience at this point:
What
is more dignifying to a woman? An accepted and respected second wife as
in the native Indians' approach, or a virtual prostitute as in the 'civilized'
Allies approach? In other words, what is more dignifying to a woman,
the Quranic prescription or the theology based on the culture of the Roman
Empire?
It is interesting to note that in an international youth conference
held in Munich in 1948 the problem of the highly unbalanced sex ratio in
Germany was discussed. When it became clear that no solution could be agreed
upon, some participants suggested polygamy. The initial reaction of the
gathering was a mixture of shock and disgust. However, after a careful
study of the proposal, the participants agreed that it was the only possible
solution. Consequently, polygamy was included among the conference final
recommendations [63].
The world today possesses more weapons of mass destruction than ever
before and the European churches might, sooner or later, be obliged to
accept polygamy as the only way out. Father Hillman has thoughtfully recognized
this fact,
"It is quite conceivable that these genocidal techniques (nuclear,
biological, chemical..) could produce so drastic an imbalance among the
sexes that plural marriage would become a necessary means of survival....Then
contrary to previous custom and law, an overriding natural and moral inclination
might arise in favour of polygamy. In such a situation, theologians and
church leaders would quickly produce weighty reasons and biblical texts
to justify a new conception of marriage." [64]
To the present day, polygamy continues to be a viable solution to some
of the social ills of modern societies. The communal obligations that the
Qur'an mentions in association with the permission of polygamy are more
visible at present in some Western societies than in Africa. For example,
In the United States today, there is a severe gender crisis in the black
community. One out of every twenty young black males may die before reaching
the age of 21. For those between 20 and 35 years of age, homicide is the
leading cause of death [65]. Besides, many young black males are unemployed,
in jail, or on dope [66]. As a result, one in four black women, at age
40, has never married, as compared with one in ten white women [67]. Moreover,
many young black females become single mothers before the age of 20 and
find themselves in need of providers. The end result of these tragic circumstances
is that an increasing number of black women are engaged in what is called
'man-sharing' [68]. That is, many of these hapless single black women are
involved in affairs with married men. The wives are often unaware of the
fact that other women are 'sharing' their husbands with them. Some observers
of the crisis of man-sharing in the African American community strongly
recommend consensual polygamy as a temporary answer to the shortage of
black males until more comprehensive reforms in the American society at
large are undertaken [69]. By consensual polygamy they mean a polygamy
that is sanctioned by the community and to which all the parties involved
have agreed, as opposed to the usually secret man-sharing which is detrimental
both to the wife and to the community in general. The problem of man-sharing
in the African American community was the topic of a panel discussion held
at Temple University in Philadelphia on January 27, 1993 [70]. Some of
the speakers recommended polygamy as one potential remedy for the crisis.
They also suggested that polygamy should not be banned by law, particularly
in a society that tolerates prostitution and mistresses. The comment of
one woman from the audience that African Americans needed to learn from
Africa where polygamy was responsibly practised elicited enthusiastic applause.
Philip Kilbride, an American anthropologist of Roman Catholic heritage,
in his provocative book, Plural marriage for our time, proposes polygamy
as a solution to some of the ills of the American society at large. He
argues that plural marriage may serve as a potential alternative for divorce
in many cases in order to obviate the damaging impact of divorce on many
children. He maintains that many divorces are caused by the rampant extramarital
affairs in the American society. According to Kilbride, ending an extramarital
affair in a polygamous marriage, rather than in a divorce, is better for
the children, "Children would be better served if family augmentation rather
than only separation and dissolution were seen as options." Moreover, he
suggests that other groups will also benefit from plural marriage such
as: elderly women who face a chronic shortage of men and the African Americans
who are involved in man-sharing [71].
In 1987, a poll conducted by the student newspaper at the university
of California at Berkeley asked the students whether they agreed that men
should be allowed by law to have more than one wife in response to a perceived
shortage of male marriage candidates in California. Almost all of the students
polled approved of the idea. One female student even stated that a polygynous
marriage would fulfil her emotional and physical needs while giving her
greater freedom than a monogamous union [72]. In fact, this same argument
is also used by the few remaining fundamentalist Mormon women who still
practise polygamy in the U.S. They believe that polygamy is an ideal way
for a woman to have both a career and children since the wives help each
other care for the children [73].
It has to be added that polygamy in Islam is a matter of mutual consent.
No
one can force a woman to marry a married man. Besides, the wife has
the right to stipulate that her husband must not marry any other woman
as a second wife [74]. The Bible, on the other hand, sometimes resorts
to forcible polygamy. A childless widow must marry her husband's brother,
even if he is already married (see the "Plight of Widows" section), regardless
of her consent (Genesis 38:8-10).
It should be noted that in many Muslim societies today the practice
of polygamy is rare since the gap between the numbers of both sexes is
not huge. One can, safely, say that the rate of polygamous marriages in
the Muslim world is much less than the rate of extramarital affairs in
the West. In other words, men in the Muslim world today are far more
strictly monogamous than men in the Western world.
Billy Graham, the eminent Christian evangelist has recognized this fact:
"Christianity cannot compromise on the question of polygamy. If present-day
Christianity cannot do so, it is to its own detriment. Islam has permitted
polygamy as a solution to social ills and has allowed a certain degree
of latitude to human nature but only within the strictly defined framework
of the law. Christian countries make a great show of monogamy, but actually
they practise polygamy. No one is unaware of the part mistresses play in
Western society. In this respect Islam is a fundamentally honest religion,
and permits a Muslim to marry a second wife if he must, but strictly forbids
all clandestine amatory associations in order to safeguard the moral probity
of the community." [75]
It is of interest to note that many, non-Muslim as well as Muslim, countries
in the world today have outlawed polygamy. Taking a second wife, even with
the free consent of the first wife, is a violation of the law. On the other
hand, cheating on the wife, without her knowledge or consent, is perfectly
legitimate as far as the law is concerned! What is the legal wisdom behind
such a contradiction? Is the law designed to reward deception and punish
honesty? It is one of the unfathomable paradoxes of our modern 'civilized'
world.
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